Sideline Sneers No Music To Ears

Sydney Morning Herald

Wednesday May 10, 2000

George Epaminondas

Monday night's Collette Dinnigan show at Jones Bay Wharf had some editors driving around the back streets of Pyrmont like characters from The Dukes of Hazzard, desperately searching for the tricky location and attempting strange stunts down one-way streets.

Finally, a convoy formed behind the BMW of publicity stalwart Mark Patrick, who led the mob to safety - and the show.

Last year, Auckland designer Karen Walker burst the eardrums of the fashpack with her soundtracked cacophony. This time, she provided attendees with a personal CD player and asked them to select their own music from an album with tracks by Iggy Pop, Tom Petty and The Ramones.

The only trouble was some attendees had no idea how loud they were talking, which provided much mirth for those who chose not to listen to the music.

``I love that coat! I want it in wool," announced one magazine editor at the top of her voice. ``Shoot it, quick!" barked another, willing her camera to work. The worst outburst, though, came from the buyer who commented on one of the models. ``Even I can walk better than that!" Nasty.

Secretly, Alex Perry calls it his ``trawler" look. In other words, the spray-on, luridly coloured Versace-wannabe outfits he showed yesterday at Fashion Week function like sartorial Viagra.

Well, that's the theory anyway. You could also be booked for indecent exposure.

Hair stylists from Joh Bailey added long, black ponytail extensions to models such as Megan Gale, Alyssa Sutherland and socialite Sally Mount rendering them almost unrecognisable while make-up artist Richard Sharah painted on bronze and elongated eyebrows. Under the lights, the mannequins looked like exhumed mummies. Call it the Mummy's Curse.

Multi-media company Spike has a stand at Fashion Week, complete with four laptops and large Fujitsu plasma screen, where anyone can surf the Net or check their email. Much of which appeared on the giant screen for all to see.

At first, it was just swipes at a fashion show flashing up as in, ``Hated it! Was so crap!". But then a man checking his email unwittingly opened a porn file. ``And there was this giant penis on the screen," screamed a passing woman. ``It was gross."